I have this problem with alcohol.  Its not my consumption of it .. its being around it and people consuming it.  People just don't understand what alcohol does to people, marriages, relationships ... they just don't get it.  Maybe they don't care to know or maybe they don't really think about it.  I was married to an alcoholic.  I made excuses for him to my family, I hid a lot of things that happened at home because I didn't want him to be judged.  I guess when you're married, you're supposed to protect your own.  Thats what I felt I was doing.  I was protecting.  But the thing was, was that I couldn't talk to anyone about it because then they would know.  Later on I would find out that they already knew but as far as I was concerned it was my secret that I would never tell anyone.  When I worked a second job he would pass out and I would have to walk home because I couldnt get a hold of anyone to come and get me.  I would find beer cans under the cushions in the couch, in the oven .. it didnt matter where, they were there.  He was not a good person when he was drinking.  I knew when he had a beer or many beers.  His whole demeanor changed.  He didn't care what he said to you and the way he would talk to me or the kids ... it was just abusive.  Alcohol changes people.  When him and I first got together I thought he was my knight in shining armor because see, I was told that now that I had a child no one would want me.  He did.  I thought I was in love and I thought that we beat the odds and at such a young age were married and stayed together.  When people asked me how long we were married I was proud to say 10 years .. 11 years ... whatever it was, I was proud because I wanted to be with someone that long ... for my life.  But it always came back to him drinking.  We tried the rules.  You can only drink on these days, with me, after this time ... i mean it was insane and it never worked.  I tried to just turn a blind eye to it but then my kids would be scared if they saw the beer can or he would start in on them about something and I couldnt keep quiet then.  Then it would turn into a huge argument and eventually he would pass out after he told me how worthless I was.  Sometimes it made me angry but most of the time I just felt hopeless.  I didnt want a divorce.  I wanted the dream that everyone else wanted.  I wanted to be in love and happy and married.  I worked two jobs and went to school.  It made me feel important, or so I thought but it was just an escape for me so I didnt have to deal with anything ... unfortunately I was so broken at this point I didnt think of my kids having to deal with him instead.  They turned to their friends and/or other hobbies because he just didnt care what they did.  I came home ... helped with homework, made dinner, and then off I went to work or school.  The kids cleaned and occassionally they even grocery shopped.  My friends and close ones will tell you how frugal I am when it comes to groceries and I had an 11 year old who could shop for the week on $80.00 because of what I taught her.  Great huh? No. Sad because her dad just didnt want to.  Now I cant say he was drunk all the time because he wasnt.  And I think he sincerely cared for me and for our kids ... I just don't think he knew how to do it.  He wanted to do what he wanted, the way he wanted and that was that.  He didn't care about getting a job that I told him he should look into because I was the one that said it ... he was going to do it his way.  So we lived on my income which I was totally okay with, the problem was ... he didnt do anything at home either.  I finally decided to leave.  When I did I met a man that was absolutely the dream I have always thought of.  The one that is beyond reach, except he was there ... waiting and willing for that matter.  But the alcohol still haunted me.  He wasnt a drunk by any means ... it was every now and then, but he didnt know when to stop.  Alcohol would get the best of him and he became a jerk.  I didnt want to let him go because of that, but thats what it started looking like.  I couldnt lead that life again. I would come home and there would be beer in the fridge and I would count it because its what I did.  And it would sit there for days .. because he just didnt drink like that.  And when we were home having a few drinks, we had a great time.  But everytime he would mention having a drink when we were out, I would kind of just shut down.  First, I didn't like telling him that it was because of my ex-husband and second, I definitely didn't want him to think that I was comparing.  It was kind of hard not to though because of what I had been through and most important what my kids had been through.  So one day it came up.  It was hard for it not to because he was just ridiculous and I had to say something.  I love him so much and I hated thinking that we were going to be apart.  I cried at the thought of it and just kept wondering why I wasn't enough for someone.  My ex of all those years couldnt give up drinking because it was ruining us ... I wasnt good enough and now I knew it was going to begin again.  So I spilled it.  Then the oddest thing happened.  He said he would stop.  Not stop being an asshole, but stop the drinking.  Now of course, I had heard this before and I was like, yah for how long and blah blah ... but he was aware of it and he knew that he was hurting me and he made an effort.  We dont have rules and we drink usually at home when we do ... I havent gotten the guts to venture out yet, but whats important to me is that I am more important to him than any drink.  Its new to me and it makes me happy and makes me smile and it makes me love him even more.