So my daughter has problems.  A lot of problems.  She is mentally unstable and not the good, cooky kind of crazy that we all love but really unstable.  Right now she is locked up.  Its where she belongs, as much I hate it that she is gone .. I know its where she belongs.  I can't help her.  I don't know what to do in order to help her.  I think that my daughter is a sociopath. And I don't say this lightly.  I really do believe that she is.  She doesn't show any kind of empathy, unless its for herself, when things don't go her way.  When the boyfriend breaks up with her, when she thought she was going home instead of getting locked up so she turns on the tears ... she does cry, but only for herself, never for others.  My son has aspergers so his empathy is rather low, but for different reasons and so at school he has a very low profile.  My daughter has this outstanding personality that everyone flocks to and loves at first and then in about two weeks - after she has gotten what she wants - they hate her.  I hate that she doesn't have friends ... on one hand I just want to say that she's done this to herself but on the other hand if she has an illness has she really brought this onto herself?  No. not really.  Its something she cant help.  Its a problem that a lot of people do not understand.  People understand that if someone has something such as epilepsy that they cannot help their seizures ... if they have tourettes (sp?) syndrome that they cannot help twitching or in some cases screaming out words at inappropriate times ... if they have cancer and getting treatment, they cannot help their hair falling out ... but yet when someone has a mental illness they still need to be 100% responsible for their actions.  I do not feel that a mental illness should be a crutch and I do feel that she should take and accept responsibility for her actions but I also think that she should be more understood before she is judged.

I want her to succeed in life.  I feel as if I am the only one that has her back.  Her father doesn't want to help her because its just too much work.  Her step-father doesn't believe that if she does have a mental illness that it has anything to do with her behavior.  Her relatives have just basically wrote her off.  I love her.  I love her more than any of the people that I have mentioned.  I will always love her and I will always believe in her but I know that I can only do so much and its why I have turned to the courts for help.  Unfortunately its the only resource that I had left with the little time I had left before she is 18.

I had children because I wanted to be a mother.  I wanted to nurture another human being and watch them grow in life.  Some might look at my children and not think I have done a great job and thats okay.  But my kids are great.  They are my heart and no matter what I will stand beside them and help them with whatever they need help in.  As long as they let me.  I can only do so much.  They might not think I'm the greatest but maybe one day.

I will never give up on my children.  I refuse to be older and look back and say I wish I would've done this or that.  I want to say that I did everything I could.  I want to say that I did everything and it worked or it didn't work.

I love you Alyssa.  I love you so much more than you know.

Lord, today watch over Alyssa.  Guide her with you hand to watch her, to love her and show her the Godly way to life.  Show her that Your love is so much stronger than she is seeing.  Amen.