So its been a little bit since I've wrote on here. Our home is still chaotic as usual. Alyssa is doing much better, still a bit mouthy but shes a teen. I'm actually thinking about reinstating her cell phone privileges. She's doing fantastic.
But today I want to talk about something else. Kids still, but something else. I love each of my children ... differently but the same amount. I LOVE being around them. They are a lot of fun and they add to my day no matter what is going on. My patience gets pushed and sometimes I am irritated and its not even because of them sometimes but at the end of the day they are everything to me.
The holidays were a bit tough. When you're divorced you have to do this thing called sharing the kids. It sucks. I am not saying that I am a better parent ... okay I am ... but thats not the point. The point is, is that I had to see my children going to their dads on Thanksgiving instead of being home with me. We had our own little dinner the weekend before and it was wonderful. But they had to leave and I knew that they would got to their dads, eat dinner and then they would go do their own thing. This is the part that upsets me. I love creating memories with them. I can't tell you what we would've done, but it would've been something. But Thanksgiving wasn't the worst of it. Christmas Day was the worst. We woke up a little bit late as their dad was picking them up at 9a, and we got up at 830 and I wanted to make cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate so I asked their dad if he could just be a little bit later. He let me have an hour but not without haste. That day I couldn't even catch my breath. It was one of the hardest days for me. I missed my kids so much. SO MUCH. The day was not a great one. I even took the tree down the day after Christmas because if my kids weren't here, what was the point?
So the kids stay the rest of Christmas break with their dad. But then his mother didn't want Alyssa and her smart mouth there any longer, so I had to pick her up early. Fine. No problem. At least I had one kid home with me. What the problem was, was 3 weeks later when they were supposed to go back to their dads house and their GRANDMOTHER said she still didnt want Alyssa at her house, but it was okay for the other two to come. There was a couple of problems I had with this. One was that this was a grown woman who was holding a grudge against a child. I do not think it was right for Alyssa to have back-talked her, and she was punished for this. But you punish and you move one. You can't dwell on things. The second problem I had with this, was that their dad was okay with this. Of course the other two are much easier to "parent" than Alyssa. But what fun is anything if its easy!? I didn't feel that he was standing up for her, even against his mother. He kept saying "what am I supposed to do?" I dont know what you're supposed to do. All I know is that this is your daughter that you get to see four days a month and your mother is basically prohibiting you from seeing her. I would have to tell mama where to go. I would have to stick up for my daughter. Which I did. You can't single one of my kids out like that. I remember a long time ago when Brittney would visit with her biological father and when they brought her home, they always brought her home with McDonalds. Just her. WE couldnt afford such things and Alyssa being only like 4 didnt get it. I asked them not to do that anymore and explained why. Told them to take her to McDs and eat but not to bring it home with her. The next weekend when they brought her home, they brought her with two happy meals. It wasn't asked of them but ya know what? They got it. And I will always remember that. This was Britt's step-mother and biological father, no relation to Alyssa. And now her biological father wasn't even sticking up for her. I get that its his mother and what a hard battle that would be, but you have to stand up for what is right no matter who it is. Its what I believe and that day its what I taught my kids.
I told their dad that until Alyssa was allowed over there again, none of the kids would be coming. She was not going to be singled out and it was not fair to ANY of them for that matter. This was not teaching them anything. Their grandma didn't even try to call Alyssa this whole time to talk to her, to tell her that she felt disrespected, to tell her that she can't do that ... nothing. These are things that I teach my children. Whether they want to apologize or not, they do because they know its the right thing to do .. and I make them. But I'm the adult. I act like the adult and for right now, they can act like kids.
Later that evening, Alyssa came in and hugged me and thanked me. I didn't want her to do that. It felt nice but this was something that any parent should have done. I enjoy my children being around me and if they don't go see their dad then whatever. But you're not going to take some and not all. Its not fair and its not teaching them the right thing. Alyssa didnt get away with anything ... she was punished the same night I picked her up when she was asked to leave. Everyone deserves forgiveness. Even a 15 year old girl.
One of these days my kids will not hate me for being so protective and they will not hold these petty arguments that their dad and I have against me. They will understand. I give them until their late 20s. I am patient and I will wait. It will come though. It has to. It has to because I love them more than anything in this world and would do anything for them. I will stand up to whoever I need to and I will fight for them when I need to. They will succeed in everything they do and I hope that they learn at least half that success from me ... just for wanting whats right.
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