Its mid-January and I have hope for an even better year than last year. I had a great year for the most part in 2011 and I can only hope for better and if not, that's okay. I'm still blessed.
I have a few things that I want to work on this year to improve myself.
Of course there's finances but not "to be better with money" its more to make sure that we have money. Brian is working now and although we were a bit careless this past week its nice to know that the money will be there every week. We've discussed our money, talked about a budget and I think we're pretty much on the same page. Things I've stressed about in the past like how long people were taking showers for, lights being left on were little to everyone and I was just being a nag. But now that Brian is contributing he's seeing why I pay attention to every detail of these things. He's right there with me now. He understands and that means so much to me. For once I don't feel like I have all the weight of our finances on my shoulders alone. I have a partner. A real partner to share the stress of life with. Its a great feeling.
Parenting. I don't think that I'm a bad parent. I think that I'm strict and probably too strict sometimes, but its only because I want to protect my kids and hopefully one day they'll get it. I have always had a problem sharing the parenting though. Even with their dad. We never agreed on anything when it came to the kids. I always that their dad was too lenient which I believe has led them to make wrong decisions. Now I am being accused of being the lenient one but I feel that Brian jumps on them too easily. What my hope this year is to not become more strict or more lenient but to communicate more with Brian on these things. I have a problem with almost everything of trying to always sway the other person to agree with me which kind of puts a wall up in front of me that makes ME the closed-minded one. I have been saying that he has no "right" to punish the kids that's he's not their dad. But ya know what? He might as well be. The kids should feel lucky to have two dads and to be cared about by so many people. Brian is right beside me when it comes to them making good decisions ... he has their best interest at hand and so do I. I'm obsessed with my kids which won't ever change. I've been told that it's not a good thing, but when my children are home with me I don't want to leave. This is really on the weekends. Not leaving as in going to somewhere during the day or a friends home, but going "out". I just don't believe that I should be taking time away from the kids - whether we're doing things together or not - for me to go and party. I have plenty of life to do that and they're gone two weekends out of the month ... I can wait a week. Parenting is a big one that Brian and I both have to work on together. I need to let him help me parent the kids and we both need to communicate more when it comes to the kids. If we can get over that hump it will be easier.
Family. I love my family very much. I might not like all of them but I do love them. I've been trying to make sure that I set aside more time for my grandmother, especially now that I live closer. I take her where she needs to go, Brian and I both cook for her, I visit and the kids visit. Maybe a movie night with her once a month .. something that we both enjoy. I don't believe that I need more time with her, but the quality of the time that we spend is more important. I also want to make sure that I spend more time with my sister, my best friend and my uncles. I don't have a lot of money but there could be lunch involved or just a visit. I want to make sure that I'm available to them when they need me, for them to know that I love them and that I am here.
Our home. I love the home that we're in. The up and down the stairs could be better, but it looks so great and I really owe that to Brian. First he is the one that busted his ass getting us in here as quickly as possible but he really does clean much better than I do. I keep up and do okay I think, but he does better. Plain and simple. I cook better though ;) ... And recently an opportunity has been presented to us to buy my grandmother (Uncle Tim)'s home. I have always wanted that house since I have moved away. It has everything we've ever wanted, we're getting a great deal on it and eventually we could do what we wanted to do with it. Right now, however, my grandmother is still living in it with my Uncle. He wants to move and sell me the house and in turn, I would take care of my grandmother until she goes and meets the Lord. I am more than okay with this. Of course there's some hesitation living with my grandma, not that I think it will be horrific or anything but rules and whatnot. I'm not sure if I will feel like I'm an adult ... but whatever. I will be there for her so much more and able to care for her. This will make my world so much better. I asked her how she felt about the idea and she said it would be fantastic so I'm guessing that she is more than okay with it too. Lots to do in the house to prepare for it however. And we need to build up our credit to finance the home ... but we're on our way to getting that done. I feel very good about it. I smile when I think about it and know that it would be a good move for us and I would know that grandmother will be okay. Not that she isn't now, but I would be there. That's what is important to me.
Myself. I always come last. This is by choice. I do not buy myself things. I do not treat myself. So I am going to start taking more bubble baths, listening to more classical and Christian music. I am going to pray more and thank the Lord for everything that I have. I am going to take care of myself and my body.
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Lord, thank you for today. Thank you for giving me the time and ability to spend a few hours with my grandmother. Thank you for keeping my children healthy. Thank you for giving my wonderful husband the ability to work and providing work for him. Thank you for the beautiful weather you gave us today. Thank you for allowing me to wake up this morning and all the smiles that were brought to my face today. I know Lord that without you none of these things would be possible. Thank you thank you thank you. Amen.
